When Jealousy Strikes!

It's Mam Barney's birthday today pero wala siya at nasa Coron.

We have a few case today and so I thought. kala ko nga hindi ako mag-oovertime today but I guess my hunches towards my work is always right. Anyways, I was supposedly on another case when Mam Mai put me together with Mam Kim. I just never thought that being with her will bring some disaster afterwards.

Anyways, among all my friends in OR, only with Sir Ge and Mam Kin that I could confide anything from my small concerns to my bigger problems but unfortunately evr since Mam Kim became the gf of Sir JA, confiding my problems with her became impossible. I wasn't allowed to be near her, text or even call her.

Today is also the first time that we had a case together. After our first case, Mam Kim approached me and told me that Sir JA saw us and got angry because of our attitude to each other. Although, I can't even remember what I did, so to avoid the misunderstanding I joked na lalayo na ako sa kanya ulet.

At dahil ang tagal nung third case namin dumating, natapos na si Sir JA sa case nya. Akala ko naman kung ano yung sasabihin nya ng pinatawag nya ako yun pala e para i-confront ako sa nakita niya. I cannot forget his look, talagang galit sya with matching tremors pa yun. Ang weird pa kasi kahit sinabi niyang asawa na niya si Mam Kim at pinaghirapan niyang makuha si Mam Kim, tama bang sabihin niyang bibitawan niya si Mam Kim, sabihin lang namin na may namamagitan sa aming dalawa? Hindi ko talaga alam kung ano ba ikinaiinit ng ulo niya, e magkakaanak na nga silang dalawa e.

I felt really bothered after that incident. Naawa rin ako kay Mam Kim kasi sana kung gusto ako i-confront ni Sir JA, sana tago na lang and not with Mam Kim. It's just really weird when the green monster strikes! Ewan ko kung magkakaayos pa kami nitong si Sir JA, pero for now, dpat hindi muna kami magsama sa mga kaso. o baka magunaw ang mundo.

Simple Abode And A Serious Conversation

Finally I was able to see the new place of Sir Ge. There was a weird feeling in their subdivision. It's like being transported into a new place making you feel like you're out of the country already. The place is so quiet but not the eerie type of quietness, wala lang ata masyadong tao pa. But all in all it's a nice place to live. Hindi nga lang ako nakapasok sa bahay pa niya.

Anyways, nung umuwi sya nalaman nyang sumakit na yung tagiliran ng tatay nya and they're thinking of admitting him already in a hospital. Sabi kasi nya dati tomorrow yung plan but because of what happened baka mapaaga yung admission ng father nya.  I accompanied him to SM Fairview para magwithdraw ng pera and while queuing in line we had a not so serious conversation regarding our friendship.

Hindi ko alam if serious sya or not regarding the matter pero deep inside feeling ko yun talaga yung nararamdaman nya dahil everytime I'm asking for confirmation hindi naman nya idinedeny. So what is our conversation? It goes like this: Parang napipilitan lang sya na maging kaibigan ako at dahil magkaibigan na kami wala na syang magawa. Ang tingin nya user friendly lang ako dahil kaibigan ko lang daw sya kapag magbubuhos ako ng sama ng loob, kung magpapalibre lang ako, may ibibigay na hindi msarap na pagkain, may ibibigay na hindi magandang gamit at marami pang iba. Parang joke lang actually yung usapan namin pero knowing him there is something in those words na binitawan nya.

Saturday Night Series: Birthday, Emergency and a Mystery

It's a Saturday again and as usual I'm on a night duty. It's also Benj's birthday and I promised her that I would be dropping by in their place before going on duty.

Anyways, as I promised her I made some food for the Saturday Night Food Tripping. I made two type of muffins and a lasagna. Sabi kasi nya dadaan sya and dahil birthday nya I told her na it will be my birthday gift to her na lang.

Strawberry- Banana-Orange Cupcake

ChocoBanana Cupcake

Cheesy, Creamy Lasagna

Anyways, I was really proud of the way the two muffins turn out. Maganda ang itsura and masarap naman daw. But what I really love is my lasagna. Still not perfect but it has improved a lot already compared to the first ever lasagna that I made.

Anyways, akala ko ok na kami dahil yung emergency case na supposedly sa 2-10 e pinaschedule na ng surgeon ng 6am on the following day but unfortunately nagbago rin isip nila and pinagawa rin nya ng 11:30pm. And so what we thought a paceful night turns out not to be one, buti na nga lang at emergency ex-lap lang. The weird thing is all of us including the anesthesiologist all thought that is was a simple case: an eppendectomy case only tapos yun pala colon surgery na ang gagawin.

All in all it was ok naman. Swabe lang unfortunately hindi namin nakain ung dinala ko. The worst part is bigla syang nagdisappear kaya hndi na namin nakain. Seriously when Emjay, Carla and Yeye dropped by sabi ko kuha sila ng food meron sa nurses' room pero they keep on insisting na wala daw. When I check it, wala nga!

That's really a big mystery...or not. Tatlo lang naman kaming nasa OR nun, yung isa naka-scrub, yung isa yung aide namin na nawawala sa room dahil natutulog pala sa student's room at ako, so sino kaya ang mapagbibintangang kumain ng mga food? Si Mickey Mouse kaya?

Saturday Night Duty...Second Time Around

Mam B is craving for an oatmeal chocolate chip cookies while I'm craving for cassava cake and so we decided that we'll bring each others' cravings for our Saturday Night Duty Food Tripping.

Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies courtesy of Me :)

A slice of cassava cake courtesy of Mam B :)

Good thing I still have left over chocolate chips so it was an easy job to bake an oatmeal chocolate chip cookies. Mam B's cannot make a cassava cake and so she decided to buy one instead.

It was an almost peaceful night until I was asked to be pulled-out in OB-DR because they have a CS. But aside from that all is well. :)

And I Waited Once Again

Waited for Sir Ge, at dahil 5-1 ako mas una akong nakauwi sa kanya but because I promised him na I'll wait for him, so pinanindigan ko na, naghintay ako ng mga 2 hours.

Anyways, medyo naawa rin ako sa kanya kahit papaano dahil yung mga case nya e to follow cases ni Dr. N (ex-lap then colon surgery after) The weird thing is, after ng almost 4 hours of ex-lap ipinasok na nila yung for colon surgery so si Sir Ge hindi na nakakain ng lunch.

While waiting for a ride going home, he mentioned na naging concerned daw sa kanya si Dr. N, bakit daw hindi muna sya nag-lunch, they'll wait for him naman daw. Sa loob niya paano sya maglulunch e nung pagkabalik daw nya after iligpit yung mga gamit nya in their previous surgery naka-scrub na ung buong surgical team, sya na lang ang kulang.

Hay ang hirap talagang maging in-demand na OR nurse, sobrang galing kasi ni Sir Ge e. Gusto ko rin maging kasing galing nya but am I willing to pay the price? I really don't know.

Don't Quit

When things seems awful and you think that there's no other way but to quit, I guess God always find ways to tell you there's still hope. While feeling down, I saw this inspiring poem in the net, and it helps to lighten my day.

DON'T QUIT

When things go wrong as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all up hill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high
...And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don't give up though the pace seems slow--
You may succeed with another blow,
Success is failure turned inside out--
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit--
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.

~Author Unknown~

And I Almost Gave Up

One thing after another and I think the stress in my life is too much to bear anymore, I just have to give up especially now that I don't have any form of outlet or anyone to confide my problems with. But thank God the stressful week is almost over, hopefully the next one wouldn't be that bad. I need a stress-free week.

Anyways, I think my mind coped by doing a selective retention of the things that happened this past few days. I can't really remember what occurred, what I knew is that it is really stressful, starting to the mishaps I made during the time when I'm circulating in the open heart surgery, to the short fight I had with Sir Ghe to the stressful time when I'm the charge nurse for the day....I think it's piling up and I just can't handle too much stress. But all is well now. I made it and I think I can handle stress again but hopefully not next week, the week after next is okay...hehe :)

Anyways, while browsing the net, I heard this song entitled Get It Right, an original song from the series Glee sung by Lea Michelle and somehow I was affected. Although I'm not heart broken like her character in the series, the lyrics made an impact to me. So I chose this song as my Song For The Week!

I really like the following lines: "What can you do when your good isn't good enough and all that you touch tumbles down? 'Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things, just wanna fix it somehow but how many times will it take... for me to get it right?"

Resolution and Senior Night

I woke up still distressed because of what happened yesterday, it haunts me even in my dreams and so I decided to call Sir Ghe and asked for forgiveness. I called him several times in the afternoon but unfortunately I cannot get hold of him so I decided to stop calling him, maybe because he's still angry or he's still working and cannot answer my call. After an hour he called back, and we talked for a minute or so. Finally, we're friends again. 

Anyways, today I'll be the senior night. It scares me to hell but I'm hoping we don't have any case for the night. To dispel the toxicity, Benj (my junior night) and I decided to bring foods. She's responsible for the pasta and I'll be bringing the pastries. Pasta and pastries plus movie marathon to avoid the toxicity of the night.

I promised her that I'll be bringing Blueberry Muffins while she'll bring a Tuna Carbonara. But unfortunately, my little experiment didn't go well and so I decided to make an Oatmeal Raisin Cookies instead. 

I'm still scared after all it's my first senior night (I still don't know what to do if ever there's an emergency) but hopefully the foods that we will bring helps to lessen the toxicity. :)

Another Bout of Stressful Day

Getting an NBI clearance is stressful enough but more so if you woke up so early just to avoid the hassle of queuing in a very, very long line just to find yourself doing exactly it.

Anyways, my day starts doing this tedious task and being concerned if I could make it for my 2pm shift duty, seeing how many people gathered together for the day to get their own NBI clearances. Luckily, I was able to get hold of my clearnce around lunch time and so I have two more hours to spare before my duty.

But what stresses me today is not because of my NBI but because I had another fight with Sir Ghe which is so unusual because he never gets angry to me in small matters. We had a fight before, once and it's been a long time already and that's because of a misunderstanding. Now, we had another misunderstanding and he took my comment seriously that he won't talk to me anymore. He's always like that when he's angry, he's always sulking and give you silent treatments but after a day or so, he'll go back to his usual self and forgive you for whatever things that you've done.

Anyways, I already knew him like that but what I cannot understand is how come he didn't know me or how sensitive I could be when someone closed to me treated me like that. As if the friendship we had for so long meant nothing to him. It really bothers me especially when I talked to him and he just went away not speaking a word.

Of course, I cannot hate him. He's the closest thing I got for a brother and he's the closest friend I have in OR. But I cannot deny the anger I felt after what he's done to me - giving me a silent treatment and getting angry for small things.

But because I cannot stand when people got angry because of my action especially when that person is a friend of mine, I think I should make amends to him immediately.

An Answered Prayer...not once but twice

I'm always praying nowadays, or rather I'm always praying the same line everyday that The Lord may guide me from everything that I do, from saying the right words, doing the right action and making the right decision. But every now and then I always add some wishes and yesterday it happens that He answered those prayers/wishes not once but twice.

Anyways, I always pray that hopefully there would be a progress in my application to work abroad and while checking my email the night before yesterday, I was surprised that I got an email from my supposed-to-be employer abroad and she's asking me if I could send her a copy of important documents so they could process my employment immediately. I'm so happy for that, I'm waiting for that email and finally it arrived. That's the first prayer He answered.

Second, I'm always telling Him that I missed the time that I was able to confide everything to Sir G. We always have a moment before after duty where we would eat then pour every problems we had to each other where one would give his insight and advise. But nowadays, we didn't do it anymore. Lack of time I guess. But yesterday, is different. We had time. We did what we do before. We ate in our favorite burger stand, we talked to each other and I told him my worries and problems and there he is again giving his insights to it. I missed that and thank God he provided me a best friend again. It's been a while and hopefully it won't be the last time.

Sunday Market and Emergency Cases

Emjay, Bogs and I have been planning to visit the Sunday markets near our area (that includes the Sidcor Sunday Market, The Lung Center Sunday Market and the Weekend Market in QC Circle) almost a month ago but it was only yesterday that we were able to do that.

Actually, our main goal is to ask for the price of the stall in their market. I'm planning to sell cupcakes and other pastries kasi and we've decided that the best way is to sell it in a Sunday Market.

Anyways, our first stop is the Sidcor Sunday Market which is located in the Eton Centris. I didn't know that they have a Sunday Market until Emjay mentioned it to me. While roaming and looking to the products being sold, an old lady told us that this market was once in the Lung Center parking area and that all of them have already transferred here, so wala na daw kwenta kung pupunta kami sa Lung Center dahil pangit na yung nandun (I think she overheard us talking that we wanted to visit the Lung Center Sunday market).

Anyways, we learned that the stall's rent is just for Php490.00 but we need to enlist first with the products we wanted to sold. If we don't have any competition, they will contact us.

After buying some Vigan Empanada, we went to the Lung Center but unfortunately, the guard mentioned that the Sunday market event was cancelled. And so we went straight ahead to the QC Circle Weekend Market which is not even comparable to the Sidcor Sunday Market, so we didn't bother asking the price of the stalls there.

Because I'm on a 2-10 shift yesterday, I didn't go home after our Sunday Market tour, instead I stayed in SM North and just went to the hospital around 1pm. Unfortunately, instead of having a peaceful Sunday afternoon duty (the usual routine of those who were on Sunday afternoon duty, is sleeping, watching TV and playing computer games), we have an emergency case, and it's not just one but three. They came one after the other.

Our first case is emergency ventriculostomy and our patient to make it worst is pregnant. She ended up in ICU afterwards, just for a close monitoring. Then we had an emergency appendectomy followed by an emergency ex-lap which also ended up in the ICU because of her unstable vital signs.

The weird thing is, all of us who were on duty that afternoon were also on duty the following morning, so we decided that instead of going home, we'll sleep in OR instead.

Good thing is, we were not that toxic today as expected and we were able to go home immediately. No overtime work for us :)

The Toxicity Continues...

Supposedly I'm only getting Sir G's 2-10 HNOD shift and another will take over for his 6-2 HNOD shift but unfortunately, no one was able to get that and they told me na ako na lang dahil ako naman ang nag2-10 HNOD, so all the problems that may occur alam ko dahil ako naman ang nakausap ng mga nagpaschedule.

Anyways, I accepted naman yung challenge even though alam kong mahihirapan ako. At first okay naman until nagkulang na ako sa mga staff ko. Some were still in a case tapos kelangan ng sunduin yung to follow case ko. So I opted to make some student nurses to scrub in one of my case. I even asked our supervisor if she could circulate in one case and fetch some patients.

Hay nakakaloko talaga ang araw na yun, buti na lang at helpful naman yung mga senior staff na nandun, especially Mam Mai.

I really don't like doing the HNOD duties but then some part of myself wanted the challenge. I want to prove to them I could also do well in that aspect. Sabi ko nga practice makes perfect, maybe after a month or so of doing it, gamay ko na sya. Hopefully!

A Different Kind of Toxicity

Toxicity have different meanings in a nurse point of view. It may mean toxic patient, toxic doctor or toxic relatives. But one thing for sure, toxicity means stressful.

In an operating room set-up, being toxic may mean having a lot of cases in a day that even though you're in a 6am-2pm shift, it is 100% sure that you will be asked to do an overtime work and you'll be getting home late. Being toxic may also mean having a toxic case, where the patient have a lot of contraptions when brought to OR or the patient may end up in ICU after the surgery. Or being toxic in an OR may mean having a toxic surgeon or anesthesiologist, that even though your case is simple and the patient is not in an immediate danger, you'll still be having a stressful day.

Anyways, today I experienced a different kind of toxicity and that is being a head nurse for the day or HNOD. I knew from the start that being a HNOD is difficult but it was only yesterday that I experienced how difficult it was. In our department it was not only in one shift that you'll become a HNOD. Aside from the 2-10 shift, you'll be automatically become the HNOD for the 6-2 shift the following day. Mahirap yun dahil every 8 ka na nga, toxic pa buhay mo.

The 6-2 HNOD is difficult because if there's a problem in the schedule, or in the supplies, equipments, rooms, you'll need to face the wrath of the consultants that were being affected. On the other hand, the 2-10 HNOD's toxicity comes from how you need to arrange and prepare the operating room the following day. Ang mahirap dito, every now and then may tatawag to schedule an operation the following day and you need to satisfy what the consultants wanted. But sometimes it was difficult because some of them wanted to do the surgery on a certain time but unfortunately, there are no more available rooms for that surgery.

Anyways, today I'm a 2-10 HNOD. Supposedly tomorrow I should be a 6-2 HNOD but Sir G asked me to have a change of shift with him, so instead of being a 6-2 HNOD, he'll take that and I'll be the 2-10 HNOD instead (yun kasi sched nya, palit na lang daw kami). So in the end, I'm having a 2-10 HNOD again. I'm just hoping that it would not be difficult like yesterday.

Kahapon kasi hirap na hirap na ako. Andaming nagpapasched at wala na akong mga kwarto to accommodate their surgeries ang masaklap pa ayaw nilang ipa ibang araw yung mga surgeries nila. Tsk tsk mga pasaway na serohano.

Goodluck na lang talaga sa akin tomorrow!

400 Years and Fireworks

Yup we are celebrating UST's 400 years of existence..the oldest university in Asia and I'm happy I'm still alive to celebrate it with them, even Rizal himself wasn't able to attend the other centennial celebration of UST, so at least lamang ako sa kanya, although I'm guessing he will not attend any celebration in UST even if he is still alive because he hates the school.

One whole week is dedicated for the University's Quadricentennial celebration but the main event is celebrated on the 27th and the 28th of January. 

The Quadri Celebration is just like the Paskuhan all over again, with the programs and everything except that the emcees of the shows were all celebrities and that there are more people not just in the Grand Stand but all over the campus.

After my duty I met up with Aaron and Tricia then we waited for Jes to arrive. Haidee and PJ were supposedly going to meet us but unfortunately wasn't able to do.

Of course the main event of the program is the pyromusical display which was so great. After the fireworks display, we meet Hannah, Daniel and Lot then we ate in BK. Then we went home.

It's a nice celebration but I'll be happier if our RLE is complete. Anyways, tomorrow is the day we decided to have our RLE reunion, in time with the Quadri celebration part 2. I just hope those guys will not be busy enough to ditch the plan.

Update News

Just received another email from my employer in UK...she's still waiting though for the decision if they would reconsider my job offer. Oh, and she already sent me a scanned copy of my NMC decision letter. I'm happy now I'm only wishing that the hospital would reconsider my job offer....*crosses fingers*

Unexpected News

My UK employer called me but unfortunately I wasn't able to answer her call.

She then emailed me and told me the news:  the UK hospital may reconsider to employ us once more.

I'm happy to hear the news and I hope and pray that this is a good sign.

The Year That Has Been and Will Be

2010....full of surprises, dreams and hopes, of suffering, let downs and emotional breakdown (lesser though compared to 2009). This is the year where I had dreamed of leaving the country. Tired of the job that didn't satisfy me anymore. There is a spark of hope in the first quarter of the year. I tried UK and US (again) but unfortunately I failed to pass their interviews. That was so heartbreaking. The start of the second quarter is much better, new opportunities came. I was able to grab a job offer in UK and I was able to return in my previous hospital (which is much better compared to my current workplace). The third quarter has been a slump but I enjoyed the company of my co-nurses. I found new friends. By the end of the year, another disappointment came, due to the recession in UK, the hospital were I was supposed to go to made a decision to cancel my job offer. But I'm still hoping.

2010 is the year that I've watched more films rather than read more books. Out of the 52 books that I should have read, I was able to read only 12 books.

12 Books out of 52..I wasn't able to meet the goal :(

This was also the time that I was able to visit new and old provinces. For the first time I was able to experience the magic of Bohol and was able to visit the home of the sisig, Pampanga! We also tried to visit the tourist attractions in Davao and splurge in Samal Island. And as usual we had our yearly visit in Siquijor Island.

Bohol, Davao, Pampanga and Samal Island :)

2011...the year of everything new: challenges, hopes and dreams, surprises and adventures. My only resolution is simple, that is to become happy and appreciate life as the days goes on. Hope for the best but do not expect too much. Love. Eat. Pray. Travel. Laugh. Cry. Enjoy the company of not just the good people but also the bad.

Two Goals for this year: Continue the challenge of Reading 52 books in 52 Weeks and to try the Project 360 - that thing where you take photos everyday for a year.