Irritated and Delighted

Two feelings I have felt this day. Irritated in the morning and delighted in the afternoon.

I have a 5am-1pm shift today, and unexpectedly I arrived in the hospital too early, imagine I’m already in the OR around 4:30 in the morning and that is too early.

Anyways, when I saw the staffing of the day, the night shift didn’t know that I’m the 5-1 shift. I accepted it even though deep inside I’m planning to tell the 6-2 HNOD kasi sayang naman ang effort ko na pumasok ng maaga kung 6-2 rin pala bagsak ko.

But eventually, the senior night accepted the fact na ako na nga ang 5-1 so binago na nya yung staffing and lo and behold nagulat talaga ako because instead of having a fair distribution of workload, it looks like he didn’t even considered the conditions of the schedule of the staffs. It’s a known rule, if you’re from a double off, you’ll get the heaviest case of the day, and those who have 2-10shift the day before will have the least workload and so on. But the senior night didn’t even consider it. He didn’t even consider that I’m in the 5-1 shift, so dapat by 1 pm tapos na ang case go para hindi ako ma-overtime. But he still gave me a 10am case, the worse is long standing case yun and we don’t know if it will end by 1 or not.

Irritated as I may be, I accepted the fact that I cannot do anything about the situation I was in. I guess that is always a problem in our area, having an unfair distribution of workload, seniority issues and so on.

Anyways, Sir Ghe asked me to accompany him once again in NSO to get some documents, birth certificate to be exact. At first I thought it was for his daughter again but it turns out it was his and his wife’s.

I’m so broke this week and I was glad Sir Ghe was there once again to help me in my financial problem. As a payment to me going with him in NSO, he paid for my bus fares.

And for the first time, I heard Sir Ghe’s sincere thank you to me, straight from his mouth. Well what I did wasn’t even worth mentioning but I guess it’s really a big deal in Sir Ghe’s part. It’s just sad na because of just small things, nag-aaway sila ng misis nya. But it ends well naman and I guess sanay na si Sir Ghe sa mga ganung situation na na-blablame sya for everything, I just hope and pray it won’t affect their marriage and their child.

Anyways, because Sir Ghe had already moved in to their new house here in Fairview, sabay na kaming umuwi. And surprisingly, mukhang hindi talaga nilulubayan ng computer shop itong kaibigan ko, imagine kahit sa mukhang uncivilized na lugar nila, may isang computer shop paring nakatayo. But that was a good thing because at least we can still play after work at malapit lang siya sa bahay nila. Hopefully I won’t get the grudge of his wife…again.

I really enjoyed accompanying my friend especially in long trips because only during these times that I can share my thoughts to him. I can pour out all my problems to him and listen to his advice and thoughts.

Don't Quit

When things seems awful and you think that there's no other way but to quit, I guess God always find ways to tell you there's still hope. While feeling down, I saw this inspiring poem in the net, and it helps to lighten my day.

DON'T QUIT

When things go wrong as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all up hill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high
...And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don't give up though the pace seems slow--
You may succeed with another blow,
Success is failure turned inside out--
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit--
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.

~Author Unknown~

And I Almost Gave Up

One thing after another and I think the stress in my life is too much to bear anymore, I just have to give up especially now that I don't have any form of outlet or anyone to confide my problems with. But thank God the stressful week is almost over, hopefully the next one wouldn't be that bad. I need a stress-free week.

Anyways, I think my mind coped by doing a selective retention of the things that happened this past few days. I can't really remember what occurred, what I knew is that it is really stressful, starting to the mishaps I made during the time when I'm circulating in the open heart surgery, to the short fight I had with Sir Ghe to the stressful time when I'm the charge nurse for the day....I think it's piling up and I just can't handle too much stress. But all is well now. I made it and I think I can handle stress again but hopefully not next week, the week after next is okay...hehe :)

Anyways, while browsing the net, I heard this song entitled Get It Right, an original song from the series Glee sung by Lea Michelle and somehow I was affected. Although I'm not heart broken like her character in the series, the lyrics made an impact to me. So I chose this song as my Song For The Week!

I really like the following lines: "What can you do when your good isn't good enough and all that you touch tumbles down? 'Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things, just wanna fix it somehow but how many times will it take... for me to get it right?"

Resolution and Senior Night

I woke up still distressed because of what happened yesterday, it haunts me even in my dreams and so I decided to call Sir Ghe and asked for forgiveness. I called him several times in the afternoon but unfortunately I cannot get hold of him so I decided to stop calling him, maybe because he's still angry or he's still working and cannot answer my call. After an hour he called back, and we talked for a minute or so. Finally, we're friends again. 

Anyways, today I'll be the senior night. It scares me to hell but I'm hoping we don't have any case for the night. To dispel the toxicity, Benj (my junior night) and I decided to bring foods. She's responsible for the pasta and I'll be bringing the pastries. Pasta and pastries plus movie marathon to avoid the toxicity of the night.

I promised her that I'll be bringing Blueberry Muffins while she'll bring a Tuna Carbonara. But unfortunately, my little experiment didn't go well and so I decided to make an Oatmeal Raisin Cookies instead. 

I'm still scared after all it's my first senior night (I still don't know what to do if ever there's an emergency) but hopefully the foods that we will bring helps to lessen the toxicity. :)

Another Bout of Stressful Day

Getting an NBI clearance is stressful enough but more so if you woke up so early just to avoid the hassle of queuing in a very, very long line just to find yourself doing exactly it.

Anyways, my day starts doing this tedious task and being concerned if I could make it for my 2pm shift duty, seeing how many people gathered together for the day to get their own NBI clearances. Luckily, I was able to get hold of my clearnce around lunch time and so I have two more hours to spare before my duty.

But what stresses me today is not because of my NBI but because I had another fight with Sir Ghe which is so unusual because he never gets angry to me in small matters. We had a fight before, once and it's been a long time already and that's because of a misunderstanding. Now, we had another misunderstanding and he took my comment seriously that he won't talk to me anymore. He's always like that when he's angry, he's always sulking and give you silent treatments but after a day or so, he'll go back to his usual self and forgive you for whatever things that you've done.

Anyways, I already knew him like that but what I cannot understand is how come he didn't know me or how sensitive I could be when someone closed to me treated me like that. As if the friendship we had for so long meant nothing to him. It really bothers me especially when I talked to him and he just went away not speaking a word.

Of course, I cannot hate him. He's the closest thing I got for a brother and he's the closest friend I have in OR. But I cannot deny the anger I felt after what he's done to me - giving me a silent treatment and getting angry for small things.

But because I cannot stand when people got angry because of my action especially when that person is a friend of mine, I think I should make amends to him immediately.